1/8/14

Oh goodness.
So. It's another poem. Shocker, I know.
There is so much fluff in this that I'm pretty sure cotton candy would choke on it.
Aaaaannnnnd I'm gonna post it nonetheless.
(I know it's sticky-sweet, just bear with me here.)
Enjoy, I guess.

1/8/14

We’re so close, but not yet there,
I reach for you but cannot touch.
This, of course, is an illusion
Because
You’re sitting there right in front of me
With your head against my knee.
And never would I have known
That such warmth could be spread
Through such a humble touch as this,
Were it not for you.
And how this ember of heat does spread.
Somehow from my knee it rises
To my chest, where my heart is resting
(Or is it racing?)
And then to my face
Where a pleased glow emanates from within,
Brightening above my smile,
A smile largely because of you.
And all is connected.
A smile because of your actions,
A flush because of the warmth,
Near my mind where my thoughts of you reside.
Warmth blooms within my chest, where my feelings take shelter.
Even my soul seems happy, spending time with you.
And finally, my simple knee, of all things,
Warm from your physical presence with me,
Your own existence, settled against mine.
That being who has held my fondness
And whom I wish to call my own.
And yet, until that day arrives,
I will revel in this;
In you,
With me.
In us.

Poem.

Yup. Poem.

2/11/13


To hear you is to be enlightened,
To touch you is to be warm and safe,
To smell you is intoxication,
To taste you is forbidden,
But to see you is to understand.
Blue depths of knowledge and emotion
Know who I am
But not what I see.
Through your eyes I see your heart
And in your heart I hear your thoughts
The thoughts your mind hid from your mouth
Lest it turn traitor.
But do not worry,
No, never fear me.
I will hold your secrets close,
My soul will keep them
Even from myself
Until the day we are prepared
To share these hidden truths.
So rest well,
For though I know your thoughts your mouth does not,
I don’t know them either.
Not yet.

Yeah. That is indeed a poem. Ta-da! :p

(I'm running out of semi-creative things to say about the things I write. Plus, spring break + daylight savings = no brain function for this college student.) 

12-27-12

I lay alone.

Staring into the darkness.

My mind is racing;

No sleep will come this night.

Thoughts of you plague my mind.

I wish I could see you.

My heart pounds as I imagine you

Whispering to me

Your lips brushing my ear

Murmuring to make me laugh.

I need to hear your voice.

My cheeks emanate heat,

Remembering those sweet things,

Though few and far between,

You have spoken to me.

I slowly close my eyes,

Turn on my side,

And snuggle into my bed.

Though I thought it impossible,

My dreams take hold

And whisk me away

Into your embrace:

One of the few places

I cannot be when I wake.

When I open my eyes once more,

I am still trapped in the world of my sleep

Where I spent my time with you. 

9-4-12

Well, for any and all of you that happen to be keeping up with this blog, I'm sure it will utterly shock you that this is another poem. One about the desire for love and affection. One that is probably overly cheesy. One coming from the heart of a girl who is still a teenager, realizing that she is young, but often feeling less like a child each day. Wait, that doesn't surprise you? Awww, and I was trying really hard too. :)
Anywho. The poem.



Why would someone, anyone,
Want me?
Hiding my face
Behind this porcelain mask,
So heavy, I lower my head,
And pass unnoticed.
What would cause you to notice
My dark little shadow
In this big, crazy world?
Sometimes there are people everywhere;
Yet it still feels so lonely.
There are days when I just don’t know what to think.
There are days when I feel I can relate
To the imaginary feelings
Of inanimate objects.
“How must that sign feel?”
Trying to shout its message to the world.
Ignored, passed by, unnoticed.
Its purpose unfulfilled.
But what gives me any right
To be better than that?
Why should someone notice me
Any more than that little sign?
Will anyone?
Will someone please
Take the time
To read my sign?
To hear what I have to say?
All metaphors behind,
To be mine,
So I can be theirs?

Obligatory disclaimer: it's just a poem; I'm not depressed: I just like writing. Though I suppose there may be hints of truth in there... but not that much.

8-16-12

I have been somewhat of a writing fiend lately... Not saying that all of the poems will make their way onto this blog, but still. So this is one of my lastest works (obviously, by the title). Nothing super overly special or really all that shocking from me. Simple, straightforward, and kinda mushy. Something that I (a hopeless romantic at heart) would love to be able to say to someone someday.



Take me by the hand;
I’m not afraid.
I sense your gaze,
Like a warm fall breeze,
Watching out for me.
I believe in you,
So go ahead.
Take the lead,
Show me how.
I want to know the feeling
Of being in your care,
Of belonging to you.
You have more than earned my trust,
And now, you have stolen my affection.
So teach me the way,
Guide me, shape me,
Make me a lover
In the purest sense of the word.
This love born of innocence
Will outshine the dark corners
Where lust is conceived.
We will forge our own path,
Devote our future to making
A past worth remembering.
Go our own speed,
Creating something that only we and God
Could truly understand.
Only with you
Do I no longer require my words.
Only with you
Is my easiest communication
Unnecessary.

You

This is a poem I wrote about one of my best friends a couple years ago, and it was entirely true at the time. But I am so happy to be able to say that the beginning isn't true anymore, though the ending always will be.

You

Sometimes I miss you.

Even when you’re

Right next to me.

I can feel you slip away,

Like a deer through the trees,

To the place where the memories lie.

Some days you fascinate me,

Make me laugh in spite of myself,

Regale stories of experiences past.

But other days,

You scare me.

So quiet,

So tired,

You look like you’ve been through a war.

Or worse.

Maybe you’ve been through memories,

To times of pain and loss.

But I pray that what you remember

Of us

Is good.

No, not just good.

Happy, sometimes,

Serious, others,

Fun, lots,

Sad, seldom,

But always knowing,

Confident we’ll be there for you,

Whenever you need us.

7-7-12

Here. Something legitimately new. Just a little somethin'-somethin' I whipped up... sort of. I just wrote most of it, but a couple parts I've actually been composing all day. That's when I can tell I really need to write again, when I think about what I'll say all day long. :D

My head tells my heart it’s time to let go,

But my heart grips harder with every beat.

Logic says you’d go to her,

My spirit won’t let these feelings die.

If I let myself get bogged down,

I’ll just hold my breath through the waters

And rise above the surface once more.

I’ve tried to fight this,

But realized it’s pointless.

To argue with these things

Is to argue with fate.

The desires of my heart,

The needs of my soul,

As a compass point north,

They lead me right to you.

For far too long I’ve let myself worry.

I need to let it go.

If you love me,

You’ll tell me, in your own time.

She was once everything you wanted:

You were the sun and she was the stars,

All shining bright.

But I, I am the moon.

I work with you, reflecting your light

And giving it back to those on the other side.

I show the world the brightness in you.

Completely different, yet somehow the same:

A reflection in the water.

I am to you as you are to me.

She is to you as no other could be.

You are to her what others have been.

You are to me as only you shall ever be.

I’ve given you a gift,

I don’t know if you know it,

A treasure so rare,

It’s the first time I’ve bestowed it.

You’ve had it quite some time,

It sits in wait for you.

What’s mine is yours,

Though I know you don’t know it.

Think of me often,

Even if you won’t show it.

I’ll see you tonight,

O key to my heart,

In the sweet simple light

Of the dreams in my heart.

As promised

Here is the soliloquy that I promised. It was written as a school project for Hamlet a few years ago. It is quite dark, but it's the mood the movie put me in.




To look or not to look - that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The sights and scenes of outrageous behavior,
Or to close your eyes against a sea of troubles
And, by not viewing, avoid them.

To look, to turn away-
No more - and by looking to say to face
The horrors, aye, the many terrors
Each day is given - 'tis something
I wish not to endure.

To look, to turn - to turn, mayhap
To turn too far. Aye, there's the snag.
For, by turning, who's to say
The horrors in front are more dreadful
Than those following behind?
Of this we must consider
Before mistakenly, we turn.

For who would see the evil of the day,
The murderer's knife, the swift thief's sneaky deed,
The face of children's fright, the lawyer's way,
The arrogance of racists, and the thorns
That silky white skin of th' innocent tears,
When they themselves might a flower pick
With slender fingers?

Who would burdens bear,
To sob and see taken suddenly a life,
And then the dread of nightmares during sleep,
The unrecovered peace stol'n at the sight
Of erupting chaos that breeds confusion
And forces us to carry these scars
Obtained from what we have seen?

Thus cowardice does bring dread to us all,
And thus the theme of desperation
Takes our dark thoughts and makes us sick,
Conspiring with fear and deceit.
With this regard their sanity runs away,
And loses the name of reality.

I did actually write a less-dark ending for it, but I actually prefer this one.

Soon and very soon

I'm sure no one reads this anyway, but if I'm wrong, I apologize for not posting anything recently. I'm going to try to remember some of my stuff when I come into town again, as I am lacking in the fast internet department at home. I'm thinking I'll put up my soliloquy next; it's one of my absolute favorites. Anyway, if you actually see this, You will be seeing some writing soon, I promise.

7-1-11

I know I just posted one the other day... wait, was that just yesterday? Wow, how time flies. Well, I suppose technically it would be two days ago, but that's just because its a little after midnight.

Anyway, this one was written just a little while earlier than the previous one. I rather like this one. It starts out with sort of a dark tone (and personally, I really like that dark, mysterious undertone. I like somber things sometimes.) and edges its way towards hope.

Anyway, maybe I should just let you read it now.

And once again

I fall to my knees;

My heart falls out of my chest.

A million shards surround me.

I try to gather the pieces;

The ground is stained from my fingertips,

My fingertips washed from my tears.

My pain consumes me

Until I am just a shell,

A shadow of what I once was.

As I surveyed the debris, I felt the breeze of your love

Caressing my face,

Healing my broken heart.

I feel your breath run through me,

Renewing my soul,

Until I am only Yours.

One thing I really never do is revise my writing, especially creative stuff like this. I mean, sure, sometimes I'll go through and write a second version, but I would never dare to just change something. I mean, obviously I had a reason for stating it in a specific way at the time, so why change what I felt was right, ya know?

8-8-11

Yes, most of the things I write never get proper titles. Often I simply title them with the date I wrote them. As you can see, this isn't that old, but it isn't exactly new either.

I won't deny feeling this way sometimes. Obviously it doesn't apply just in general; here I'm talking about romantic-y stuff. I know I have a God, friends, and family that love me, but sometimes there's that feeling deep inside, yearning for more, ya know?

Anyway, without further ado, ummm... this.

They don't understand,

They can't comprehend

What it's like for me.

They've all felt it,

Known it, owned it.

But I have never

Had love.

Sure, all the romantic things

Are sweet and enjoyable,

But my heart wrenches

At every "I love you" and "Baby".

How does it feel to know

There's someone who always wants you,

Who worries about you,

Thinks about you, holds you,

Understands you?

What is it like to feel

Cherished?

It is perhaps my

Deepest fear

That I shall never know.

Okay, okay, over-dramatic, somber, I know. What can I say? When I write, it's often as an outlet for pent-up emotions. So that isn't just one little incident. That's more like (well, a fairly long time) of feeling that way. Not constantly, so don't go getting all upset, thinking "Oh no, Alonna's so sad, she's not depressed, is she?" No, I'm not. In fact, I'm pretty happy as of late. But I do still want to know how it feels. Maybe one day.

Stereotypical Teen

At least that's what I feel like sometimes. I don't like to emulate the stereotypical teen, but it seems I can be so moody and selfish sometimes. I really don't like these flaws in me, but it helps to decrease their presence if I write about them. So here you are, a new one.

Narcissism
It hurts to think that no one cares,
To feel their eyes watching me,
Cold, dark stares
That cannot see
My pain.
I hate to be so trivial,
But I want just one time,
A guy to tell me that I’m beautiful,
Like the prince in a nursery rhyme.
But how can I be so vain?
It seems to me that I
Would love ever so much
To take to the skies and fly,
And flee from my pride: my crutch.
I want to see it slain.
And as this poem nears its end,
I am thankful for the trees
That let me lend
My voice to thoughts like these.
So I can feel my anger drain.


My feelings about this one are kind of "meh"-ish, but it was written in only five or ten minutes, so I guess I don't expect perfection from myself.

Come For Me Now

The first piece of writing I'll post is this: my one attempt at poetry that rhymes and has a chorus, one might say it's almost a song. But anyway, my first well-guarded piece:

Stumbling down
This path all alone,
I hate all the hurt
And I hate that you know.
These secrets I kept
Deep inside me
Were everything you
Were not meant to see.

Come for me now,
Take me away,
Catch all my fears,
Keep them at bay.
Not scared of the world,
Nor afraid of the sea,
But terrified now
By what's hidden in me.

And all of that time
As the shadows drew close,
I started to fade,
I was giving up hope.
Through all of the lies
You saw the truth,
This cry from my heart
Was calling to you:

Come for me now,
Take me away,
Catch all my fears,
Keep them at bay.
Not scared of the world,
Nor afraid of the sea,
But terrified now
By what's hidden in me.

But now I can see,
And my eyes open wide,
In the heart of the dark
I had you at my side.
You never left me
As I tried to leave you,
When I lost my way,
And stumbled: a fool.

But you came for me then,
And took me away,
Caught all my fears,
Kept them at bay.
Not scared of the world,
Nor afraid of the sea,
I'm healing now,
By your presence with me.


So... not sure how song-like it actually sounds, but if you actually see this and have some opinion you'd like to state, go for it.

Realization

It's been such a long time since I last posted, I sincerely doubt that anyone ever comes here anymore. Which is why I've decided to re-purpose my blog. Here, I can post things I've written that only a very select few have read before, and I won't have to feel weird about it. I love to write; expressing my thoughts in a creative way is one of my favorite things to do. But it's always private. I've only ever allowed one or two people to read everything I've written. And I'm sure I still won't post everything, but there will be a lot more posted here than there would be anywhere else.
And should someone I know actually stop by this again, on a nostalgic whim... I'll deal with it. I don't really not want them to read what I write, I just don't want to flat out show them. So if you discover this, kudos to you. You've found a stash of my hidden treasure.

I finally posted again! Yay!

Hello again everyone. It really has been a long time since I posted. Months. It's nearly Christmas already! I can't believe how time seems to fly these days. Well, Mom took me to see the doctor today because I've had a really bad sore throat the past couple days. We figured it was just a sinus infection or something, but no, I had to have strep throat. Lucky me. Melissa took Emma in at the same time and we found out that Emma has the same thing as me. So I'm not allowed to go to school tomorrow. So sad. :) Yeah right. Anyway, I'm actually kind of hoping for a day off tomorrow because I don't want to have to make up all that work and also, we're doing this thing in World Historical Geography. We are doing a simulation of a mideveal manor system, and I am the Lord/King person for my hour. So it's kinda important that I be there. But I'm sure that they will find a way to manage without me. And I'm kinda just starting to ramble on and on now, so I'll just say goodbye. Goodbye!!! :)